Vines are my nemesis in our yard. My beloved wife tells people, “It’s Glenn vs. the Vines!”
I’ve identified 5 different varieties so far. Four have thorns. Two of the varieties grow 1-2” a day (yes, I’ve measured this), at least 10 months of the year. Left unchecked they will take over an azalea bush or oak tree in a few months. They are uncannily capable of using any vertical surface to climb. At least we don’t have kudzu.
I’ve whacked off the vines close to ground level. This certainly gives the plants, trees, and fence relief. But they’ll start growing back immediately.
“OK, let’s kill the whole plant!” I’ve carefully pulled the vines away from bushes, laid them down on a plastic bag, and sprayed them with herbicide. This is better, but I’ve yet to completely kill them. It doesn’t work at all for two of the five varieties. They glow better with RoundUp™ treatment, I swear!
Digging up the root systems has been a hopeless effort. The network of fine roots breaks off. It looks like one way these vines spread is by sending out long roots underground to new locations to pop up.
“OK, let’s try a stronger herbicide.” I picked up a potent herbicide at a local Ace Hardware, described to me as “Agent Orange for the suburbs” in hushed tones by the store employee. The label warns “Powerful defoliant, use with caution.” It works better, but after a few weeks the vines reappear. Apparently, the extensive root systems are difficult to kill off.
I’m left with a monthly battle against the vines. Spray, slash, rip. It’s weirdly satisfying to fill our yard waste bin. I tell myself it’s part of my “move more” exercise program.
It occurs to me that this is an interesting picture of evil. We fight it, we beat it back, we cut it off, we blast it with armaments, but the deep roots are never killed off entirely. Tolkien has Gandalf explain that the evil Sauron is only an emissary of a greater evil. Paul reminded the Ephesian church that “our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” (Eph 6:12, NIV) Our task is to fight evil when we find it, and trust that the Ultimate Evil Fighter will vanquish it someday.
