“Should I Stay or Should I Go?” was a hit song by the Clash in 1981, and it’s a common question today. You’re not the only one calculating your stay vs. leave equation. There is no formula. It’s not as a simple as a pro/con exercise because there are heart issues and probabilities. If art is science with more than seven variables, this question qualifies as art!
I will give you a set of questions that can help you decide – and hard-won advice. Think of this exercise as scenario planning coupled with an honest self-dialog about who you are and what you need.
Questions to Explore for Yourself
Am I more running away from the current job, or running towards a new opportunity? Knowing where you fall on that spectrum, and why, is helpful.
Am I mostly bored? If that’s a big part of why you don’t like your current situation, then is a new/different job the only option?
Am I fleeing a toxic work environment? It’s easy to justify a change from a soul-sucking miserable situation that daily fills you with dread. It’s important to ask yourself how much of that toxicity is on yourself and your behaviors. We bring ourselves into new roles, with all our strengths and weaknesses. Keep in mind that some stressors are going to be in another role, too.
An old Quaker man lived at the edge of his village. He would greet newcomers as they arrived. When asked “How are the people here in your village?” he would ask in turn, “How were the people in the village you’re coming from?” If they said, “Oh, they were wonderful, and we were sorry to leave!” he would reply, “You will find it the same here.” And if they said, “Oh, they were horrible to us and we were thrilled to leave!” he would reply, “Sadly, it will be much the same here.”
Am I evaluating my full range of choices? This is a starting view on the range, you might have others:
- Re-energize, re-skill in my current role
- Take a different role in my same organization
- Take a similar role in a different organization
- Take an entirely different role in a different organization
- Go independent, or start a new business
- Retire and focus on other priorities
What is the realistic growth potential of the other job? Does it position you for a new growth curve? Expanded or different network of people and capabilities? Does a different location create new experiences? Is this potential growth enough to compensate for the challenge of transitioning?
Will this (current or new) job force a relocation or difficult move that is unacceptable to my family? Family needs are real, and professionals are responsible people.
Am I able to be successful in my current job as I expect it to go forward? Why or why not? Has something changed that will clearly make it more difficult to be successful in the future? Sometimes you may choose to move on before a role changes, to avoid a scenario where you won’t be successful.
It is just one person I don’t want to work with, just part of my current role, or the whole job? There are ways to mitigate the negative impact of a single person. Nearly all jobs have requirements we don’t especially like.
Am I still learning? Limited learning potential is a good reason to consider a change. Most people believe that learning new things is crucial for happiness. Professionals are always concerned about continuing development. There are seasons of life when a big learning curve is too difficult because of what else is going on in your life. I know several instances where a person was adamant about leaving out of frustration, and we counseled staying in a role because they had more to learn. In every case the “universe” made sure they were immediately faced with the same learning challenge in their new role.
Am I ready for a much larger role, with more/broader responsibilities? Honesty counts here. If you’re unsure, get insights from a trusted mentor. Stretch roles are good for you. Overconfidence is a precursor to a humbling.
Am I overly concerned with what something thinks of me, or what I should do? This covers a lot of territory but ponder it. Don’t over-weight one person’s opinion in your equation.
Is there a halo effect making this new job look better? Growing up in West Virginia we used to say, “The grass is greener over the septic tank.” Your starting boss may not be your boss for long. Your initial assignment could morph into another priority. The “brochure” view you saw when you interviewed may not be reality.
How much of my success is related to my institutional knowledge and network of relationships in my current role, and how much do I “take with me” into a new opportunity? Be sober about the challenges of starting anew – you won’t have a deep personal network inside that organization, and need to learn all the new procedures, expectations, and acronyms. Many people overestimate their ability to get things done in a different situation.
Finally, What’s the delta on the money and benefits? These are real issues, but I put this question last because many people make poor decisions by fixating on the money issues. Who you are is more important to your happiness than what you have. Make a realistic assessment of the stability and assets your family needs. There are raises or salary reductions, and compensating factors like lower or higher expenses. Benefits are particularly important for your dependents.
Hard-won Advice
Only discuss options with people who love you and want what’s best for you. Don’t talk with your current boss about anything that sounds like leaving until you have a plan. Seek wisdom from mentors. Pray and meditate – you need a deep sense of affirmation on your chosen direction.
It’s easier to get a job when you have a job. The best advice is to apply/interview/accept a new job before you resign from your current position. A good exception case is if you’re asked to do something unethical.
You don’t have to accept an offer. Often you won’t know the full money/benefits picture until the offer comes, and sometimes that is the deal-breaker.
You probably feel a high level of responsibility to people, programs, and unfinished projects. Think about what milestones would help you feel better about closure. On people issues, distinguish between “responsible for” and “responsible to.” Above all, remember that you do not owe your soul to this organization.
Take steps to be better prepared for a new role in the future:
- Build up an emergency fund so that you and your family can weather a transition time without pay (and if you’re moving, often increased expenses).
- Continue to work on your professional development
- Monitor for new opportunities
- Create a relationship with a job recruiter
- Strengthen your personal and professional network
- Watch your organizations for signs of impending downturns and strategic shifts which could affect your position
The decision to leave a job and take a different opportunity is rarely fatal. Neither is choosing to stay longer in a role. It’s less about making the “wrong” decision and more about understanding the options and potential of one scenario vs. another.
Recommended resources
Manager Tools has published multiple podcasts which can help you in job transitions. Go to manager-tools.com and search for podcasts on
- How to resign
- The last 90 days
- The first 90 days
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Glenn Brooke is the author of the soon-coming book, “Bold and Gentle: Living Wisely in an Age of Exponential Change.” This article is adapted from one of the chapters. Learn more at https://encouragingpress.com
