About Your Inner Critic

I saw an ad for a webinar promising this: “Silence your inner critic once and for all.” 

Call me skeptical.  Our inner critics have phenomenal staying power. 

Our inner critic can keep us from reaching our potential when we over-weight his comments.  (I have multiple inner critics, all male.)  He adds to our hesitancy to even begin, let alone drive through to a finish line. 

Our inner critic does play important roles.  He serves a counterforce I must work against, which strengthen me and shows me my faults to overcome.  I’m better because of the battle. He also slows me from sliding into ditches and potholes. People who truly lack an inner critic are dangerous narcissists who wreak damage.   Let’s acknowledge that our inner critics sometimes have a point and can keep us upright. 

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Pondering Death

My beloved had a wonderful way of describing death to our children.  “Remember those times when you fell asleep somewhere, and woke up in your own bed at home?  We carried you while you slept and tucked you in.  Death is like that.  You’ll go to sleep here and wake up in your beautiful heavenly home.”

I rather like Tolkien’s description, in a conversation between Pippen and Gandalf:

“PIPPIN: I didn’t think it would end this way.
GANDALF: End? No, the journey doesn’t end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you see it.
PIPPIN: What? Gandalf? See what?
GANDALF: White shores, and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise.
PIPPIN: Well, that isn’t so bad.
GANDALF: No. No, it isn’t.”

Without being morbid, I think it’s important to ponder our death, so that we live better.

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Ask “What Must I Be?” Before Setting Goals

The headlines are rolling:

“How to design your perfect 2024”

“2024 can be your greatest year ever”

“Reach all your goals in 2024”

“How to structure your goals so you really achieve them, this time”

“The only 3 things you need to do for success in 2024”

“Do this Day 1 for financial success in 2024”

<Insert the sigh of a man who has done more than a few cycles around the sun>

Instead of dreaming up my goals for 2024 I’ve invested considerable listening time after asking this question:  What must I be?  What we do flows from what we are; what we do shapes what we become. 

The answer remains:  I am to be a large, clean conduit of God’s love and grace to everyone He puts in my sphere of influence.  I’m to become like an old tree, with deep roots, arms upraised to heaven, soaking in the sun and water, enduring wind and storms, providing food, shade and shelter for many, communicating with other trees, anchoring the forest ecosystem, useful even in death.

Other descriptions which fit:

  • Bold truth-teller
  • Cheerful warrior, dangerous to enemies of the good
  • Courageous and self-controlled
  • A deep listener, and worth listening to
  • Provider for others
  • Teacher, Encourager, Mentor
  • Perceptive analyst of situations and trends
  • Heavenly-minded and earthly-wise

What then shall I do?  How then shall I devote my finite time, energy, and attention?  What is the worthy way to walk in step with the Spirit, consistent with Christ in me, the hope of Glory? 

  • Meditate, pray, intercede, encourage, listen
  • Study, think. Be an excellent steward of imagination.
  • Sharpen thinking through writing
  • Be a world-class anticipator without being a world-class fretter
  • Disproportionately lavish and serve others, especially family
  • Create space for fellowship and friendship
  • Strengthen my body
  • Savor experiences and be thankful

Every week should have elements of these, enough that less-worthy things are crowded out of the schedule. 

I need specific projects and objectives which reinforce focus on the best ways to spend my time.  My employment situation is a rich source of intellectual stimulation and opportunities to teach and mentor. Family get-togethers and related travel.  Study objectives. Book projects, both reading and writing.  Particular physical goals. Quality and quantity time with my beloved.  Committed intercession for family and friends, and the larger world.  Stewarding our little part of the physical world.

I share this in case it helps you:  Don’t begin with specific projects – begin with who you aim to be, and work from there. 

When you realize about Feb 5th that you failed to complete all those things you expected to accomplish in January, take a deep breath and remind yourself that we overestimate what we can do in a few weeks and underestimate what steady work can deliver in 3 years. 

Don’t give up.  Don’t think “Well, I’ll have to wait until 2025 and try again.”  Every day is a new day – the gift we rarely remember – so begin again.  Reminder to self:  I can’t change one iota of the past, and the future isn’t here yet, so focus on this present hour.

Another recommendation:  Set goals for six weeks instead of a year.  Six weeks is long enough to accomplish something substantial, and short enough that you can’t procrastinate.  If your goal is about a new habit or behavior, six weeks is often long enough to help it ‘stick.’ There are 8 six-week runs in a calendar year.  You can start a 6-week trial at any time. 

Goal-setting for six weeks is also helpful in a fast-changing world.  We’re less likely to be frustrated that our goals aren’t achievable because something outside our control changed midway through the year.   

Another recommendation for those forced to write ‘annual goals’ which get evaluated at the end of the fiscal year:  As much as possible, establish goals that can be finished by the end of the 3rd quarter.  Then you have margin to flex and adjust work to finish things in 4 quarters.  Take everything not expressly tied to the 4th quarter timeframe and get it done in the first 3 quarters.  This strategy requires focused discipline earlier in the year – when you’re less tired – and minimizes the “procrastination crunch” at the end of the year.

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About Enemies

We rightly think about peace in the Christmas season, and new beginnings with hope.  There’s not a lot of peace in the world.  I’ve been thinking more about enemies. 

Enemy is a strong word. We have a rich vocabulary in English for people who oppose us (or our ideas and practices):  Rival, Competitor, Combatant, Contender, Opponent, Adversary, Challenger, Foe, Disputant, Litigant, Antagonist, Detractor.  All have tone and significance in context.  I’m guessing we invented many words because there are many situations of conflict!

I like the story about Abraham Lincoln’s cabinet discussing reparations towards the end of the Civil War.  One advisor who favored punishing the South said, “Mr. President, you’re supposed to destroy your enemies, not make friends of them!”  Lincoln replied, “Am I not destroying an enemy when I make a friend of him?” 

Rivals, competitors, opponents, even deadly combatants can become friends, allies, and partners.  There is a point where the only recourse with enemies is to destroy them.  Not every dispute will be settled by light and pleasant conversation.

The world wars in the 20th century were truly awful. The Allied nations created close military and trade ties to Germany and Japan after we destroyed their ability to prosecute the war in 1945.  Decades later someone might see compressed events and incorrectly conclude it was easy. The process began with occupying troops and limited trust. We executed many leaders for war crimes.  It required significant investment in rebuilding (physical structures and institutions) and trade over decades.  Worthwhile, not easy. 

Our ultimate enemy is The Accuser – see Ephesians 6:10-14, with the goal of standing firm in the confidence of God.  Let us never forget that The Accuser is the power behind our human enemies.  The story of Christmas is a milestone in the greatest story of all.  Jesus was born to die, to defeat death, so that the only thing our enemies can ever do is hurt our temporary flesh costumes.  The most worthwhile thing ever, but not easy.

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Thin Places and Listening

The Irish popularized the idea of a “thin place.” The saying is that heaven and earth are six feet apart, but there are special places where they are only inches apart.

A thin place might be an actual place.  Nearly everyone has special places where they feel closer to a divine presence.  Many ancient peoples considered sexual climax a thin place.  Psychoactive drugs might get you there, too.  Your thin place might be in a community, a family.  All you can orchestrate and plan is to get there.  The rest is a kind of magic that can be experienced but not explained. A friend of mine notes that while we call some places “the middle of nowhere,” the deep opportunity is to go to end of nowhere and listen

I will occasionally write this in my journals:  Remember — God is closer than the air around you.  I like Tom Hoobyar’s insight, too: “There are burning bushes everywhere. You just have to learn to see them.”  Even a casual reader of the Old Testament will notice how often people are commanded to remember, called to remember, and pleaded with to remember.  It’s clear that our species requires many reminders to keep us on track.  God is omnipresent and always communicating, even if we are distracted, feeling anonymous, and unaware (see Psalm 139). 

People speak about blind spots in our thinking; we are often in deaf spots, too.  There is a marvelous scene at Jesus’ transfiguration.  From Mark 9:

And Elijah appeared to them along with Moses; and they were talking with Jesus. Peter responded and said to Jesus, “Rabbi, it is good that we are here; let’s make three tabernacles, one for You, one for Moses, and one for Elijah.” For he did not know how to reply; for they became terrified. Then a cloud formed, overshadowing them, and a voice came out of the cloud: “This is My beloved Son; listen to Him!”

Elijah, Moses, and Jesus aren’t talking to Peter yet he responds.  He interjects an unnecessary idea – the mountaintop has already become a tabernacle, a place where heaven and earth meet.  This is confirmed by the shekinah glory cloud.  What is Peter’s necessary response?  Listen.  James and John were smart enough while terrified to keep their mouth shut in wonder. 

I gauge this story as truthful because a made-up story would make the disciples look more important and less foolish.  I’m grateful to Peter’s example, because it shows me that I, too, babble when I should be listening.  Talking a lot makes me look smart.  I’m wiser if I listen more.

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Countering Anticipated Chaos

It’s been a long year, even if it has zipped by quickly.  We’re already busy getting ready for Christmas and family time.  People at work are obviously weary and ready for an ending break.  We naturally start to wonder about next year.  I noticed that The Economist magazine has again published their thick annual forecast issue.   Pundits will soon make many predictions.

We are better using the word ‘anticipate’ rather than predict because predicting specific events is outside our capacity.  We can reasonably study trends and patterns and anticipate probabilities.

I anticipate 2024 to be a year of chaos.  Presidential election years generally amplify distress.  Inflation may be slowing but prices remain high.  Expect continued debates about major policy direction (with concomitant blame shifting), made even more contentious by large populations of ill-informed and mal-informed citizens.  Already there are multiple active wars and tense conflicts threatening to become wars.  Significant government leadership changes will happen in some countries.  The ag world is more uncertain going into 2024, which affects food availability and pricing.  Manufacturing bases are shifting away from China.  The uneven technology advances drive uncomfortable changes.  These are macro factors; you can add in your personal situation factors from family, health, job, and local community issues.

Maybe 2024 will be only slightly more chaotic than some other years.   I anticipate that 2028-2035 may be more difficult still, because of financial factors which can’t be deferred.

Francis Schaeffer’s great question remains helpful: “How then shall we live?”

2024 will present many opportunities to grow through adversity.  A section of forest near our house burned in a brushfire less than 3 months ago.  Scorched tree trunks. All the vines and low shrubs and palmettoes were reduced to ash.  Yet every plant with an extensive root structure immediately began growing again, pushing greenery up through the ash layer.  There’s one lesson for living through chaos:  Develop deep roots.

I anticipate new opportunities to focus on what’s valuable.  The most valuable thing I wear every day is my wedding ring.  It cost $40 in 1987, which was a lot of money when we were grad students. There isn’t much gold in it.  The ring is precious to me because it’s from my beloved and represents all the goodness of God’s gifts to me through her.  Witnessing chaotic times gives us stark comparisons to understand what is ultimately valuable and what will pass away.

Jesus gives his disciples an interesting command, helpful in chaotic times: “Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can you make it salty again? Have salt among yourselves, and be at peace with each other.” (Mark 9:50, NIV)  “Have salt” – preservative, flavorful, necessary for life – “among yourselves” – not hidden, not hoarded, but in fellowship.  Saltiness supports peace in the community.  No bland living!  Connect this with Jesus’ commentary in the next chapter:  whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. (Mark 10:43-44, NIV)  Mutual humility and service are a bulwark against chaos.  Don’t go alone against chaos.

Chaotic environments often make us hurried.  Hurried people make more mistakes, stumble, and misinterpret events.  John Wooden, the iconic UCLA basketball coach, trained his players in quickness without hurry.  There’s a subtle distinction there.  Quickness is valuable, hurry leads to trouble.  Quickness is conditioning under control, like gentleness is strength under control.  Conditioning is both mental and physical.  Staving off the effects of chaos in our personal lives will require quickness of mind and spirit.  These must be developed over time; preparation counts more, because we cannot summon quickness in the moment of crisis.

Chaos consumes resources but returns little worthwhile.  Chaos therefore leaves less for the wise to use – time, energy, material.  Chaos amplifies the normal friction of everyday life in a universe built on entropy principles.  [Sidebar:  Read Warfighting for the best explanation of friction and uncertainty.]  Therefore, countering chaos requires us to be more efficient with the resources remaining to us.  We must become maximizers of what we have, wasting no time grumbling about what we lack.  In physiological terms, we want a good VO2 max with an efficient running stride.

Something encouraging to remember:  Many of the greatest companies and most influential people in history began in times of chaos.  You can choose to be the person who runs towards the opportunities created amidst chaos. 

I’m speaking abstractly about chaos and countering chaos.  Ponder what I’ve written here and consider how it applies to your situation.  It might shape your private goals in 2024.  

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The Value and Limits of Abstracts and Summaries

One of the touted benefits of AI tools like Microsoft CoPilot (this kind of tech will be ubiquitous soon) is the ability to summarize information so you don’t have to read as much.  “Summarize this email.”  “Summarize this document.”  “Give the pertinent points and action items from these meeting notes.”

I study many book summaries.  Generous reviewers on Amazon.com will summarize the key points of a book.  You can quickly get the gist of the author’s intent and style.  It’s a great gauge to deciding whether the book is worth reading.

Be mindful of the limits of summaries and abstracts.  CoPilot is unlikely to spot tone and small points in email messages that should speak strongly to you, because you have human context and information outside of the email itself.  The word ‘abstract’ comes to English from Latin and means “to pull away from.”  You’re dropping significant information volume to create an abstract – and a significant fraction of what’s dropped might be significant to you. 

Also, don’t underestimate the intellect-strengthening aspect of reading full works.  Exercising your mind pays dividends.  Reading and pondering the full Shakespeare play will transform you more than cribbing from the Cliff’s Notes summary and commentary. 

Use summaries and abstracts for their limited utility without depending upon them as a full substitute.

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Duck or Chicken?

Personal story:

I was 11, not quite 12, when my Boy Scout troop backpacked a 70-mile section on the Appalachian Trail in the Shenandoah National Park. I think my backpack weighed almost 30 pounds – and I weighed about 90lbs dripping wet.  We were wet, loads of rain and humidity and mud, mud, mud.  Type 2 fun for sure, and I loved it.  Well, mostly.

It was physically tough.  I was sensitive to the teasing from the older boys.  A couple of times I was glad it was pouring rain because I was crying a bit.  I wasn’t homesick but exhausted. I slept hard every night.  (One night our tent was pitched on a slope, and I woke up in the morning about 3 yards downhill from the door in a wet sleeping bag.) The trail was a sloppy mess; the only good thing about being smeared with mud was that the bugs couldn’t bite you there.  We grumbled.

I remember one of adults would overhear our grumbling and ask “Duck or chicken?” The older boys would go silent at this.  I worked up the nerve to ask what he meant.  He told me “A duck has oils in its feathers and water slides right off.  A chicken doesn’t, and will squawk if there are even a few drops of rain.  Decide how you’ll respond when things happen you can’t control.  It’s up to you.”

“Duck or chicken?” is a good leadership mantra.

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The 4 Quadrants of Problems

A mentor of mine sketched out something like this:

Problems abound – but you can’t do something about some of them.  We have agency, so make choices about what we’re doing.

A massive amount of human energy is wasted in the lower left quadrant.  Endless whining, complaining, bitter recriminations about problems we can’t do anything about.  Dwelling here amplifies anxiety.  It makes for great social media action because plenty of people will happily be a cry-baby with you. 

Trying to do something about a problem that you cannot do anything about wastes your life.  (Note: there are grand problem spaces where people have ideas about solutions and are trying to solve them.  That’s not a waste.  That’s how great leaps of progress happen.)

Once you realize you can’t do something about a problem (at least not now), don’t waste even 2 more seconds in those lower two quadrants.

The challenge in the upper left quadrant is the wisdom and intelligence to distinguish priority-setting from procrastination and sheer laziness. 

Invest your best energies in the upper right quadrant.  That’s the leadership path to success.

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What Progress Feels Like

I think I’m like most people in this:  I kinda dread the start of intense exercising, and for the first few minutes I think “This hurts, why am I doing this?”.  Afterwards I feel great, with a strong sense of accomplishment. 

The same is true of tackling unpleasant-but-necessary tasks.  Especially tasks that are new or I’m not good at (yet). 

When I eat healthier, I’m still a little hungry at the end of the day.  

I’m currently working on a training plan for my thought process.  The inner dialogue centers on “This is what progress feels like.” 

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