Machiavelli famously addressed the question whether it is better for a ruler to be loved or feared in The Prince. It’s better to be loved, but difficult. So, at a minimum, be feared.
That’s remains the sound counsel for rulers. What about you, leading and managing in a less violent, less existential environment? My own view is that excellent leadership and management are acts of love, seeking the highest good for the organizations and individuals. But love is an awkward word to use to describe our professional relationships. Fear compels corrosive behaviors in the long run.
Let’s ask “Is it better to be liked or respected?”
I’ve met only a few people who didn’t want to be liked. I didn’t think they had a healthy mindset about relationships. I will posit that being liked is a good thing. It feels good.
But leaders and managers must make decisions, and inevitably, some individuals and groups will not like your decision. They’ll grow to dislike you, too, because the realm of “like” is fuzzy, messy, and does not carefully distinguish between decision, action, and fundamental person.
Aiming to be universally, perpetually liked is an impossible goal. Even sustaining this for a few years will require self-deception on your part, and flat-out deceit on the part of others. That goal will force you into making poor decisions because you’re prioritizing the wrong things, and frequently. Your downfall will be swift, with a painful crash.
Abandon the idea that you’ll always be liked. Work hard to be respected. Respect is earnable. It has staying power. We know from experience that people can dislike a decision, even dislike you, but retain respect for you. A certain amount of respect will be granted you by position. You must consistently earn the rest.
