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Where the Bad Behavior Comes From

Some behaviors are caustic, corrosive, and disruptive to effective teams and organizations:

  • Bullying
  • Control-freak
  • Zero-trust management

My observation is that these behaviors are a natural out-working in a person who is driven by pride and immaturity.

Pride and immaturity are reinforced in a perverse positive feedback loop with fears and insecurity.  

I’ve sat with people in meetings and in 1:1 conversations and realized that they were filled with fears and insecurities.  We all have some fears, and some insecurity, but these people are brimming with them.  They are terrified that someone will penetrate their carefully-constructed facade.  They struggle to say “I don’t know.”  They are compelled to control situations.  They constantly monitor how people perceive them.  They trust no one because they can’t trust others.  Almost all criticism is received as an attack on their very identity. They’ve been doing this so long that it’s become unconscious.  They’re miserable, even as they may be outwardly smiling and making jokes.  

Dealing with these behaviors is difficult and expensive.  It helps me a little to understand where they’re coming from.  I can have more empathy because I’m seeing below the water line to where the behaviors originate. 

As a leader, coach, and mentor you need to help people move from bullying, zero-trust management approaches, and controlling behaviors.  You’ll need to work at the level of their behavior knowing there are deep swirling waters below. 

I don’t have a formula to “fix” people.  There are plenty of cases where therapy is necessary – refer people to professionals.  Your organization demands results and robust people management, but some roles are beyond you. Set clear expectations and call out observable behaviors.  If necessary, after a period of coaching without necessary improvement, move a person out.  You might agonize over the process. This calls for bravery, and it’s the right thing to do.

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What Can Leaders Learn from a Deaf Creative?

Ludwig van Beethoven (1770-1827) was arguably one of the five greatest composers in history.   From Wikipedia:

During his life, he composed nine symphonies, five piano concertos, one violin concerto, thirty-two piano sonatas, sixteen string quartets, two masses, and the opera Fidelio. Other works, like Für Elise, were discovered after his death and are also considered historic musical achievements. Beethoven’s legacy is characterized by his innovative compositions, including innovative combinations of vocals and instruments, and also by widening the scope of the sonata, symphony, concerto, and quartet, while he is also noted for his troublesome relationship with his contemporaries.

More than half of these compositions were created AFTER he became completely deaf. 

His earlier works were heavily influenced by Mozart and Haydn.  But his greatest works, his most original works, were crafted after his hearing loss was so bad that he stopped paying attention to what other composers of his time were doing. 

He conducted the premiere of his Ninth Symphony in 1824.  He did not realize the thunderous applause from the audience until someone physically turned him around so he could see them.  (The Ninth is on the top 5 lists for all classical Western music; here is a clip of the famous “Ode to Joy” section )

Two lessons leaders for leaders:

  1. A significant weakness can become the avenue to great success if you don’t quit.  Beethoven’s most admired music was composed late in his life, long after he was deaf. Everyone would have understood if he abandoned composing and conducting.  
  2. Originality blossoms when you are deaf to the trendy and popular. Music historians agree that Beethoven’s originality exploded because being deaf meant he wasn’t influenced by other popular composers of his time.  It was actually easier for him to listen to his Muse; his composing became an exercise in capturing the music in his head.

In particular, in our noisy world of abundant information and short-term rewards for riding trends, leaders should ponder when people are best serviced by deliberate, intentional deafness. 

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Simple Behaviors to Navigate a Complex World

If you want to sound smart, just say “Well, it’s complex” with a sagacious nod. 

If you want to be an effective leader or teacher, wrestle with the complexity to find the simplicity on the far side of the complexity.  Don’t settle for “simplistic” on the near side of complexity, because that doesn’t help you or anyone else. 

There is enormous power in simplifying:

  • The business that absorbs complexity and can give customers a simple experience will rule a market.
  • Leaders who craft a clear explanation to frame the right actions in the face of complexity will have an attentive audience.

Jesus was asked “What is the greatest commandment?”  (There were 613 commandments in Jewish Law.)  He said that “love God” and “love your neighbor” are the foundation for all the rest.  That’s a powerful example of simplification without being simplistic. 

Simple-but-deep resonates with people.  Simple-but-deep lasts.  The most profound scientific truths are simple (e=mc2). The best moral lessons are captured in easy-to-remember proverbs.  All our beloved stories follow a small number of simple frameworks.

The world is truly complex.  There are an unknown but large number of interlocking systems; we don’t even know all the parts, let alone who they relate to one another.  It’s difficult, often impossible, to make predictions. 

How do we navigate the complex world?  We obey the simple commands on the far side of that complexity. This is true at every age, and in every age.  Consider these simple behaviors which lead to success:

Health:  Drink water.  Sleep 8 hours a night.  Exercise to strengthen your body.  Wash your hands.  Brush your teeth.  Eat appropriate portions, including your fruits and vegetables.  Get a physical and follow your doctor’s advice. Laugh.

Finance: Spend less than you earn.  Create an emergency cash fund. Diversify your investments. Get life insurance.  Be generous with your wealth. 

Relationships: Tell the truth. Put others first.  Keep your promises.  Be a good friend. Smile!

All of these represent simplicity on the far side of complexity.  Your body is complex and ever-changing, but these behaviors are effective at every age.  You’ll go through decades of change in your financial picture, but these actions are reliable.  People are messy and impossible to fully understand, but simple choices strengthen relationships.

One problem with simple is… we seem addicted to the complex.  We actively search out messy and difficult while we think, “It can’t be this simple.”  We often look for way to claim something was not fully our responsibility. This, plus the natural tendency for us to fall away from practicing even good habits, leads us into a mess. 

Therefore, we need to support simplicity with reminders, suggestions, and reinforcing experiences (do this simple thing, here’s a desirable result!).  Most of all we need patience.  It takes time to develop clarity and simplicity in a noisy, complex world. 

Leading, teaching, managing projects and people, and all character-formation are based in the craft of simplification.

Don’t use complexity as an excuse to skip doing the simple things we know work well.  Focus on the simple behaviors which are proven to lead to success.

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The Virtue Compulsion

An observation about a major driver of our behavior:

We desperately want to think ourselves virtuous.  Therefore, we rationalize, make excuses, and tell ourselves lies (but I repeat myself) rather than the truth. 

We desperately want others to think we’re virtuous.  Therefore, we create masks, adopt personas, and tell lies (but I repeat myself) rather than the truth.  We’re very good at hiding, driven by fear of vulnerability and intimacy.

There is a worldview today which says that you were born innocent.  Something external to you happened – an oppression, some authority structure, an abuse – which led to your brokenness.  Healing the brokenness requires finding your true child self again. You are your inner light.

The fact that we must teach children the precepts of virtue, from a very early age on, strongly suggests that this is a fanciful worldview, not rooted in reality.

It’s much more likely that we’re born broken.  We need a savior.  We aren’t going to escape the masks, personas, rationalizations, and lies in our own power.

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The Pivot Points of Org Design

The cynical leader says, “If there is doubt, if there is uncertainty, or when I need a distraction – reorganize!” 

There are many reasonable ways to design an organization’s reporting structure and operating model.  All organizations must adapt to changing environments and objectives. 

The key parallel questions:

                What problem are we trying to solve?

                What problems do we prefer to have?

A foundational question (the answer is rarely obvious): What business are we in?

I observe these common pivot points where designs flex over time:

  • Centralized Decisions and Skills vs. De-centralized Decisions and Skills
  • Global vs. Regional vs. Local standards and processes
  • Rely on the unique strength mix of an individual in a role vs. a Structured Team or Program

(Can you think of others?)

I call these pivot points because we tend to swing the pendulum from one side to the other.  Each point along the spectrum has its problems, therefore there will always be someone who recommends a reorganization or redesign in order to solve a present problem.  

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A Failed Approach to Fixing a Failing System

Three foundational truths:

  • Systems are perfectly designed to deliver the results they deliver. 
  • Systems respond to feedback loops and incentives. 
  • If you don’t like the results, you must modify the system.

Be alert to a common temptation to fix a failing system: wrapping it inside a management system.  Rather than address the real problem, we prefer to “manage” it via another layer or system.  This is not a solution.

Examples which illustrate the importance of incentives:

Frustrating system result Possible incentive problem
Cost of healthcare escalating faster than inflation 3rd party insurance backed by corporate and government funding sources are incentivized to increase costs and hide real costs from patients
College grads without good job prospects and crushing student loan debt Colleges incentivized to get students in rather than produce graduates with good prospects
A company’s tiny but exciting new line of business struggles to get resourcing commitment when competing against existing profit centers Short-term maximum profit perspective
The “usual” people are picked for roles over others who are qualified but “just outside” the usual group Zero weighting for “bring new and uncomfortable” experiences to the table

The proposed solutions to each of these examples are often a “management layer.”  Gird yourself to be deeply disappointed with the new results.

The path to improving a system centers on changing the incentives which drive the results.  Blunt reality for leaders: Changing the incentives is difficult and will be opposed by those who currently benefit from the existing system. 

I could tie my shoelaces as a youngster, but my shoes were often loose enough to come off my feet. My strategy was to keep tying more knots in the laces until I didn’t have any shoelace left to work with. My grandfather said to me, “Glenn, if the first knot isn’t tight, it doesn’t matter how many more knots you tie on top.”

It’s awkward and hard to untie knot after knot to get down to where the real problem exists.  Yet this is the necessary work to transform a system to create desirable results.  The key is stay focused on the value of the results from different incentives driving the system.

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Learning What You Didn’t Expect

I can fall asleep quickly almost anytime, anywhere.  (It’s the only positive to serious apnea.)  One of two things happen when I wake up in the quiet of the night and can’t quickly return to sleep.  One: My brain kicks into gear and starts working on immediate problems of the day and week.  Two: I replay difficult experiences from my past, pondering what they meant, what might have been done or said differently, what I learned. 

A pattern I’ve observed about experiencing difficult circumstances:

You learn things you didn’t expect, and couldn’t have planned for.

I listen to someone recount

  • the grinding struggle of a serious illness (for them or a relative or friend)
  • the ugly endurance run of a business decline, or project failure, or divorce
  • a time when long-cherished dreams were vaporized
  • a miserable job or work situation.

They describe what they learned and it’s rarely directly about the events. Instead, they highlight a realization about themselves, describe how they changed, or illustrate a deeper aspects of life in an imperfect world. 

Our difficult experiences become parables to explain something deep to others.   (This is partly why I seek out articulate older people – they can share this depth in a way I can appreciate.)

All the genuine learning you’ll treasure decades from now comes from times when you (willingly or not) were outside your comfort zone.  History gives no reason to believe you’ll escape difficulties; you will go through difficult times.  Beyond these, seek adventures.  Don’t be foolish or reckless, but take calculated risks.  The learning opportunities are worth the costs.

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Direct Action, Indirect Influence

I know what people mean by the phrase “change management,” but the truth is that you can’t manage change for others.  You can give people new or better information.  You can offer perspectives.  You can provide examples and model behaviors.  These are the direct actions you take which indirectly influence people to change their behaviors.

Despite generations of fervent wishing by leaders in every situation imaginable, we cannot directly control or manage these critical elements in others:

  • Trust
  • Mindsets
  • Creative contributions
  • Engagement

Let’s go further.  The bigger the gap between cause and effect, the more consistency matters. 

Leader-induced fear and threats can produce gains over short times (or short project distances).  No other relationship power other than positional authority is required. My observation is that everything created under these circumstances carries its own built-in “kill switch.”  Coercion works to a point, then the results crumble swiftly. 

Love, inspiration, and modeling – all done consistently – are the investment which can sustain a long-term, long-distance result. 

Fostering a set of changed behaviors in a group is difficult.  It’s important, especially in the most frustrating moments on the long journey, to remind yourself about the difference between “responsible to” and “responsible for.”  Do everything in your power to fulfill your “responsible to” obligations.  Be at peace with yourself when the changes are slow; take a steady-on posture.

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Get to the Top of the Silo

I’ve had the privilege of seeing how multiple, diverse businesses operate as a DuPont employee.  I’ve interviewed people who work in a large array of companies, non-profits, and the military. A recurring lesson: every business, every craft, every industry is complex and complicated.  The rabbit holes run deep everywhere

This is not a bad thing, but a reflection of reality.  It’s why decentralized control is so critical to success!  Central authoritarianism models cannot possibly keep up with real-world dynamics.  

We rightly worry about silos within an organization – groups that operate largely independently and unaware of what’s going on in other areas.  Siloed thinking and working misses opportunities for improving the system as a whole, for new and exciting work for employees, and for creating new products and services.  Silos tend to foster self-reinforcing bureaucratic organizations which have no interaction with actual customers or the markets.

There are many aspects of silos and bureaucracy which you cannot control and barely shape if you’re employed in a large organization.  Influence as you can.

The best strategy is to get to the top of silos often, and from there you can see into other silos at least a little bit.  You have a greater chance of interaction with actual customers and marketplace issues.

Elevation grants you perspective.  This is not only about being promoted into senior positions, though pursue them if it’s good for you and others.  Get closer to the tops of silos by volunteering for special projects, cross-functional committees, and intentionally networking with senior leaders to hear their views. 

Skilled leaders take what see and learn at the top of a silo back to others working much lower in the silo.  This helps everyone.

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The View Out the Windshield

I recently finished writing and publishing my 17th book, “Bold and Gentle: Thriving Wisely in an Age of Exponential Change.”  A friend asked, “Got any more books in you?” 

Yes, I’m sure I do, though I don’t know precisely which book I’ll publish next. 

Peter Drucker was a wise and prolific business thinker, perhaps the greatest in the 20th century.  Here’s a picture of all the books he published:

See the source image

At age 65 Peter Drucker had written only one third of his books.  When he was 86 years old Jim Collins asked him which book he was most proud of.  “The next one!” he replied. He published 10 more after age 86 and had a manuscript in development when he died at age 92!

Let’s remind one another that the view out the windshield is larger and better than the rear-view mirror.  If you’re here, you have something to contribute, some way to leave a legacy. 

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