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Sympathy is appropriate for a leader, but empathy is dangerous. People tend to use sympathy and empathy interchangeably but there is a difference.

Sympathy is understanding and appreciating another person’s situation or perspective. Sympathy helps you appreciate a problem but keep emotions in check while you ponder a decision for the group.

Empathy leads you to dramatically and fully identify with one person, or one sub-group — including emotions. Yet a leader in a group can’t have empathy with all of them. Empathy is dangerous because you’re likely to make a decision which is not best for the whole group.

Consider the case of a judge managing a trial. She can have sympathy for both prosecution and defendant, but empathy could easily undermine her ability to make an impartial ruling.

A leader needing to make tough decisions is wise to use sympathy and guard against empathy.

Two phenomenon which are simply part of the natural world and the natural order of humans:

1. Unequal distributions of pretty much everything. 80/20 is not a physical law but is incredibly common pattern. Sometimes it’s 70/30, and sometimes 95/5 or 99/1. Take any talent, any physical attributes, any social or economic outcomes — they all naturally settle into unequal distributions.
2. Natural selection favors some organisms (including people) over others at points in time. It might surprise you to know the full title of Charles Darwin’s most famous work: “On the Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection, or the Preservation of Favoured Races in the Struggle for Life.” It should not surprise anyone that Lenin, Mao, Stalin, and Hitler all quoted from this book as justification for their worldview. Today’s readers will find it contains shockingly racist language.

Here are two important principles which we only have because of transcendance beyond the natural world:

1. Every human being is intrinsically valuable.
2. All people should be equally treated before the law.

Neither of these are derived from the natural world as we know it. These precious principles are the legacy of Western Civilization (Jerusalem and Athens).

Every human experiment to “perfectly correct” the problem of unequal distributions without a transcendent religious framework has led to tyranny. For example, Communist regimes generate a 98/2 ratio — there are always a small percentage of people who have most of the money and the power.

I’m a Christian first; my allegiance is to Jesus first. I’m a proud citizen of the USA second.

No political leader is the Messiah/Savior, and government cannot solve every problem. Do not be fooled by speeches and advertisements.

Voting is a privilege you should exercise wisely. There are billions of people who do not have this privilege.

Vote for a candidate on the basis of (1) policies & principles, and (2) character. Both matter. Only vote for candidates which reasonably conform to your standards on both (1) and (2).

Assess policies based on facts and outcomes. Thomas Sowell’s brilliant 3 questions are a good guide when evaluating a policy/program: Compared to what? At what cost? Where is your hard evidence?

People can change, but don’t expect a person’s primary character traits to change because you elected them into a leadership position.

Your vote is your vote. Vote your conscience. If you can’t support any candidate for an open position, leave it blank and move on to the rest of the ballot.

Be wary of political party affiliation. Tim Keller points out that Christians, based on the commands in the Bible,

Should be committed to racial justice

Should be deeply concerned about the poor

Should be pro-life, because all people are created in the image of God

Should believe that sex (at least for Christ-followers) should only be between a man and woman in marriage

Two look conservative, two look more liberal – and our two major parties unequally emphasize these.  Therefore it should not surprise Christians that they don’t feel completely comfortable in one party.

Isaac Newton exploited his quarantine from the 1665-1666 London plague  to work on his magnum opus, Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Mathematica, in which he codified laws of motion.  His third law states:

“When one body exerts a force on a second body, the second body simultaneously exerts a force equal in magnitude and opposite in direction on the first body.”

This law is also true in a general way about human behavior.  When you raise your voice or vigorously push an idea, people naturally tend to raise their own voice, push back, raise defensive shields.  Returning like for like is rarely a long-term solution, and often escalates tensions.  This is why we have ancient wisdom such as the proverb, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

In processes, business models, even government models, if your mindset is “destroy” or “disrupt,” you’ve instantly stimulated an equal and opposite force.  People will be motivated to disrupt you back.  You will find yourself facing greater complexity than before.  You engender bitterness and resentment.

It’s healthier and more productive to adopt the mindset of “transform.”  All change is difficult. There will be resistance factors for all changes because the status quo has significant power.  Focus your transforming efforts to create value that others recognize – faster, cheaper, simpler, more effective. 

(Note: HT to Dan Sullivan and Perry Marshall who have published notes on this concept.)

I’ve written before about guarding against training your team to expect you to solve every problem they can’t solve easily or quickly.  You can guide, offer suggestions, certainly encourage – but insist they operate at just-beyond their comfort level.  Insist on their participation in the solution.  Then they gain the confidence to tackle new problems.

However it’s also important to train people to ask for help from experienced people, rather than stewing and floundering on their own.  My observation (myself and others) is that our pride gets in the way. Many of us don’t like situations where we don’t know the answers.

Most of us have the “movie” image of a Special Forces soldier – always confident, in control, always knowing what to do, knowing how to do everything.  That’s not reality.  If they don’t know something they need to know, they ask for help.  If there are others with more experience, they ask for coaching to sharpen their skill. Their teammates will give them help.  This is deeply embedded in the culture.  All high-performing teams operate this way.

Is there an issue you’re facing right now where you should ask for help? 

In the 1960’s and early 1970’s my sister and I helped our mom paste the S&H Greenstamps she got with purchases into little paper booklets.  Every few months we’d have enough to go to a special store and redeem booklets for things like cake pans, a new toaster, or cheap jewelry. 

The pages in the book looked like this:

The point was to gradually save your stamps and cash ‘em in for the big prize! 

Greenstamping is a terrible strategy in relationships and for leadership.  Greenstamping is when you continuing collecting all the “little things” that have annoyed you, the small failures and shortcomings, saving them for the “big event” when you unload on the other person.  In organizational leadership greenstamping often occurs when someone is suddenly on the defensive, or competing in a zero-sum game for promotion or recognition.

It sounds like this:

“Oh yeah?  Well what about the four times I had to remind you to do X that you promised me you’d do, and the broken screen door, and when you forgot our anniversary until the last minute, that time you embarrassed my sister – argghh, she’s still mad about that – and your stupid TV program you just have to watch, and…. and…and… Huh? What about ALL THAT??!!”

(I exaggerate only slightly.)

In relationships and leadership situations, keep short accounts.  Overlook offenses, and be quick to forgive those you cannot overlook. Stay future focused.  Learn from mistakes.  

Our mom stopped collecting green stamps after a while.  “Everything you can get with them is at best shiny and cheaply made,” she said.  “Not worth the trouble.”  Likewise, everything you can gain by greenstamping in relationships will bitterly disappoint.

The Greeks believed that the source of all inspiration and creativity came from outside of you – the Muse. We get the English word ‘music’ from this Muse.

Your heart can hear that music all the time.
Your head can only hear this music when it is connected with your heart.

The problem for many leaders is that we are (with good reason!) afraid of the power and potential that comes from a connected heart and head. This is scary good, but not within our ability to completely control. It defies our comfortable ideas of being at the center of the universe. So we sever the connection between heart and head, at least much of the time.

Leadership maturity is about keeping heart and head working together appropriately. It’s always a danger to lead only with your heart or only your head. We must be humble enough to remember that both have led us wrongly in the past, and will again in the future. (My mother loved to remind me how absolutely convinced I was in 4th grade that Brenda Tucker was the only woman I would ever love.)

I haven’t left orthodox Christian thinking. I am convinced that the true Muse is the Holy Spirit. Not all my subscribers are Christians, of course, though I am not shy about expressing my faith in Christian terms.

The thing that I fear too many Christians miss is that the Holy Spirit speaks to all people, not just Christian believers. Likewise all Creation speaks and tells of the glory of God. Now, can all people hear the Holy Spirit? And does the Holy Spirit speak the same way to everyone? No to both questions. There are some things that only redeemed children of God will be told, or even be able to comprehend.

There is also a false Muse, which some people have sought. This is the voice that fuels much of the evil that men do. We study God’s Word, the Bible, to learn what the character of God’s voice sounds like, and learn to distinguish the Muses.

Here’s a useful test when you think you’ve heard a voice of command or suggestion: Would doing this make Satan happy or please God? I have multiple experiences where a thought pops to mind about doing this or that, or speaking to someone, and my initial reaction is “Uhm, no.” And then I apply the test, “Would Satan ask you to _?” Quite frequently the answer is No, and now… it’s down to my obedience.

Anyone wishing to lead or influence others must be a clear communicator. The bigger the audience, the bigger the opportunity, the more effort is needed to be clear.

I read a short biography of the man who wrote these words in our Constitution:

“We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.”

His name was Gouverneur Morris (January 31, 1752 – November 6, 1816).

Remarkably different than today’s legislators, one of his primary tasks in the process of drafting the Constitution was to – get this – simplify and shorten it. The result had to be readable by the people.

The US Constitution contains 4,543 words, including the signatures. Adding the 27 amendments brings it to 7,591 words. I have a shirt-pocket sized booklet which contains the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, which I sit down and reread every July 4th.

Maybe we should insist that all our laws are no longer than 7,591 words and could fit in your shirt pocket. The effort to do this would greatly enhance the clarity of the law!

What will come in your family lineage over the next 100 years? Consider Jonathan Edwards, one of the most intelligent men in the 18th century, a theologian, pastor, and prolific writer:

“An investigation was made of 1,394 known descendants of Jonathan Edwards of which 13 became college presidents, 65 college professors, 3 United States senators, 30 judges, 100 lawyers, 60 physicians, 75 army and navy officers, 100 preachers and missionaries, 60 authors of prominence, one a vice-president of the United States, 80 became public officials in other capacities, 295 college graduates, among whom were governors of states and ministers to foreign countries.”

There are fallacious comparisons of Edwards descendants vs. the descendants of a man named Jukes — the Jukes side is terribly misrepresented and incorrect in most accounts. Still, the Edwards story is remarkable. Edwards married a remarkable woman, and many of the people marrying into the lineage were remarkable as well. The accounts usually gloss over the fact that the Vice President was Aaron Burr — an amazing man in many respects but mostly remembered as a traitor to the United States.

The leadership lesson here? Your life is not just about you. We’re influencing family members, neighbors, colleagues, even people we do not know or will not meet. Though there’s plenty of mumbo-jumbo said about the interrelationships of all of us and the universe, no one should doubt that connections exist.

I love books. Really, I do. I love searching the web for information. I’m wired to synthesize information from fire hoses of input.

Occasionally this gets me into trouble.

The other morning I felt I was getting nowhere while praying. Felt awful, constrained, artificial, perfunctory. Useless. Thought popped into my mind: “I should find a new book on prayer and read it.”

Later that day I was stuck in writing an article. My outline was right there in front of me and I couldn’t craft two decent sentences. Thought popped into my mind: “I should Google for articles about getting past writer’s block. Or install that new software I heard about from WriteorDie.com.”

Nope.

I am not missing information. I do not need additional distractions. It’s time to simply recommit to praying, and continuing to practice praying as conversation. I just need the self-discipline to quiet my inner critic, crank out a few sentences (no matter how blecky) and come back another time to edit.
I don’t have a ‘knowing’ problem, but a ‘doing’ problem.