It concerns me when groups, companies, and political leaders insist we cater to the least mature people. This is a Teflon-coated slope to a place we don’t want to be.
Should we rather reward maturity, indeed insist on it? A culture that celebrates prolonged adolescence will be upheld by the shrinking number of mature individuals, until it collapses. Companies which demean maturity will end up increasing their costs by coddling the immature, and likely see talented individuals leave. Human groups always get more of what they celebrate and get better at what they practice. Let’s not practice and celebrate immaturity!
Maturity is not the default. Maturity comes from making the right choices for the moment AND the long term. Maturity has a cost to attain, and a cost to maintain. Ogden Nash observed “You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.” Indefinite immaturity is phenomenally expensive.
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Mature people are authentic. They bring out the parts of themselves which are appropriate in the right context.
Let’s examine the statement we hear business leaders say: “We want you to bring your whole self to work.” Sometimes it’s said, “We want you to feel safe to bring your whole self to work.”
At best, this is sloppy thinking. At worst, it’s intentionally disingenuous. I believe leaders saying “bring your whole self to work” are sincere but doubt they really want employees bringing their whole self.
Here are key components of who I am:
- Religious convictions
- Political perspectives
- Opinions on history, literature, and art
- Sexual self
- Medical and psychological imperfections
- Relationship scars
These are all important but have no direct relevance to my current job. They’re potentially divisive. In our current state it’s not even “safe” to express some of my views because they’re “out of step” with what some say or imply is the only right way to think about something.
Being professional and fully engaged in a role means focusing on the work at hand, while being respectful with colleagues and customers. You can be authentic and trustworthy as you leave the rest of yourself out it.
You can work through the same logic for many settings – mature people bring out the appropriate parts of themselves.
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A friend and I were sharing our battles with our inner critic, the voice(s) which usually whisper and sometimes shout that we’re not good enough and we’re going to fail at what we are called to do. It is a regular battle. The critic wants to rule and write the “We’re safe, we never risked anything” story.
Mature people honor the obligation to keep control of the pen and remain the author.
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We’re remarkably good at lumping diversity into fewer buckets. We say “Europe” as if it’s a monoculture, rather than more than 20 nations with a large range of history and culture. We say “US” though even casual observers recognize immense differences in states and regions. We say “White male” and “Black female” as if these are homogenous groups. We say “Christian” and “Hindu” and “Muslim” and “Atheist” as if that small word encompasses the depth and richness of their variations. We gleefully transform political and social labels as weapons to hurl at someone we disagree with.
Math wisdom tells us that all models are wrong, but some are useful. In the same way, I now consider all labels wrong, but some have limited utility.
Maturity means thinking and speaking better, holding labels more like a wounded bird than a spear.
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Mature people exercise their responsibility to lead people in their sphere of influence in a positive direction. I once read what a political advisor told his client: “In politics you can eat well or sleep well, but you can’t do both, so take your pick.” The reason we despise so many politicians is that they obviously choose to eat well.
There will always be difficult choices in your leadership adventures. Always. Maturity is doing the hard right thing rather than the easy wrong thing. Maturity thinks past the expediency of today.
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Mature people know – and it gets deeper in their bones as they gain maturity – that it’s not about you. You’re always serving somebody. Others are more important than you. Humility keeps us in the right zone in our relationships.
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Mature people know how to live among and positively influence messy groups who are at all levels of maturity.
Paul’s two letters to Timothy are a study in how to become mature and respond to others wisely. For example, he writes:
So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. (2 Timothy 2:22-25)
Controversies and quarrels are the sad currency of our day. May we be a better example, like Timothy, even if we must patiently endure evil.
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You – yeah, you! – need to grow up.
Me, too.
None of us are yet mature as we’re intended to be. This is our aim, for the sake of those we serve.
