Strengths are things which we’re naturally good at, and things where we’ve achieved some level of mastery. Uniqueness is the intersection of strengths and life experiences. Many people have great strengths in an athletic endeavor, but every athlete is unique because no two people have precisely the same experiences. Many people have become great fathers and mothers, but even though all parents have some common experiences with children, no two parents have precisely the same life experiences.
Key questions: What are your strengths? What life experiences amplify those (or weaken them)?
When I ask someone about weaknesses, they can rattle on for 10 minutes or write 2 pages quickly. (In my experience narcissists struggle with that. It’s a tell.) Most people have more difficulty homing in on their strengths. Think about both what you know as well as what you can do easily compared with others.
- What work tasks do you gravitate to because they’re easier?
- When you have an unexpectedly free 5 minutes, what’s your first thought about what to do?
- Who comes to you for help and why?
- When do people say “Wow!”?
- List areas of interest where you’ve read more than 3 books, attended conferences, spent more than $2000 in the last year, subscribed to email lists, commented in online forums, been part of a group for more than 6 months, etc….
- What formal degrees and certifications do you have?
- What subjects from school can you still use and teach to others who don’t know it as well as you do?
- What machines can you run? Maintain? Build?
- Where do you have expertise to distinguish professional work from a somewhat competent hobbyist?
- What movies can you quote from, or tell people the entire plot, start to finish? Which songs do you have memorized?
- When do you quickly decide you need to get someone else to do X because you’re not good at it? What things do you resist delegating even if you know you should because “it’s easy” for you?
Let’s think about your experiences:
- Where have your lived and what’s it like there? Favorite and least-favorite memories?
- Where have you vacationed or traveled to? What do you remember? What lessons did you take away?
- What jobs have you held where someone paid you? How and why did you progress from one job to another?
- What volunteer positions have you held for more than 6 weeks or 6 months?
- What do you recognize as big milestones in your life? (And would others also say they are big milestones?) Think again, can you think of others?
- What activities tend to leave you more energized? Which activities do you do as a duty but are draining?
Finally, let’s consider relationships. (I don’t want to get into a therapy session, but this is a useful way to think about your strengths and experiences.)
- Where are their relationship joys (even silly and memorable moments) with your family members?
- Where do your relationship scars come from? How visible are those scars to others? How have those scars made you today?
- Who can you call at 2am and they won’t think less of you?
- Who is in your closest circle of friends? (Friends, not Facebook “friends.”) And in the next circle? If you haven’t talked with one of these friends in two years, which ones can you pick up a good conversation with immediately, and what does that tell you?
- Who do you consult when you need the kind of advice that a Google search can’t give you? Who would you never ask for this kind of advice?
- Which local or regional leaders can you contact and expect they’ll listen because of their relationship with you?
- Where does your heart ache for deeper relationships?
… This exercise is worth an investment of time. The outcome has ROI! Make some notes, let it ferment in your mind, and come back to over a few days.
