Some behaviors are caustic, corrosive, and disruptive to effective teams and organizations:
- Bullying
- Control-freak
- Zero-trust management
My observation is that these behaviors are a natural out-working in a person who is driven by pride and immaturity.
Pride and immaturity are reinforced in a perverse positive feedback loop with fears and insecurity.
I’ve sat with people in meetings and in 1:1 conversations and realized that they were filled with fears and insecurities. We all have some fears, and some insecurity, but these people are brimming with them. They are terrified that someone will penetrate their carefully-constructed facade. They struggle to say “I don’t know.” They are compelled to control situations. They constantly monitor how people perceive them. They trust no one because they can’t trust others. Almost all criticism is received as an attack on their very identity. They’ve been doing this so long that it’s become unconscious. They’re miserable, even as they may be outwardly smiling and making jokes.
Dealing with these behaviors is difficult and expensive. It helps me a little to understand where they’re coming from. I can have more empathy because I’m seeing below the water line to where the behaviors originate.
As a leader, coach, and mentor you need to help people move from bullying, zero-trust management approaches, and controlling behaviors. You’ll need to work at the level of their behavior knowing there are deep swirling waters below.
I don’t have a formula to “fix” people. There are plenty of cases where therapy is necessary – refer people to professionals. Your organization demands results and robust people management, but some roles are beyond you. Set clear expectations and call out observable behaviors. If necessary, after a period of coaching without necessary improvement, move a person out. You might agonize over the process. This calls for bravery, and it’s the right thing to do.
